Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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