Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
