It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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