another moral hangover. fuck.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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