Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
