I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
