he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
