I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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