It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
