she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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