i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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