I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
