Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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