When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
