I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
