I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
