if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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