she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dick very happy bro
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
