I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
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This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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