I must be too annoying 4 u.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
