I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There r osticjed everywhere
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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