How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
