dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
