I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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