my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
