Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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