Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
