and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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