There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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