woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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