I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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