Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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