My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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