Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
