All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
