Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
