am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
