my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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