WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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