ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
