maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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