we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i will never coherently bang her
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
