if i can run in heels then i can drive
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
