allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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