there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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