I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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