I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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