you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i dont even know how to be here
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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