I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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