Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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