the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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