I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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