are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
