really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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