Are we in a gay sports bar?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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