if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
