So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
