He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
