she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
