Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
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Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
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This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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