Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just tell him i said nine months
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
