i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
