I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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