So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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