Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
