WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i came on her dog
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
