Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
