come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
